


And You're Always Free to Begin Again

by al_ittlebit



Series: She-Rawr [3]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Gen, Missing Scene, Pre-Relationship, adora works through her conflicting feelings about everything catra did, glimmer helps bc she understands catra a bit better after their chat on prime's ship in part 1, it was always gonna come to this wasnt it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:22:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24379402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/al_ittlebit/pseuds/al_ittlebit
Summary: Catra is really trying to be a better person. Sometimes, that doesn't go how you want it to.
Relationships: Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: She-Rawr [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757089
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	And You're Always Free to Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello! Back at it again with my attempts to flesh out Catra's redemption!
> 
> Again, this is unbeta'd and I'm posting this in the middle of the night so there may be a ton of typos, apologies in advance.
> 
> Title is from "Written in your Heart" bc I'm fully committed to naming everything from Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper songs and you can't stop me!

“In a little under a day we should be arriving at the Horde barricade around Etheria,” Entrapta announces as they escape Krytis’ atmosphere and she plots a course.

“Okay, that gives us some time,” Glimmer fidgets nervously. “I’m gonna go make us all something to eat. Y’know, before everything potentially blows up in our faces.”

“Do you need some help?” Bow offers eagerly.

“With Wrong Hordak here, not really,” Glimmer says honestly and Bow’s face falls a little. “But…I could use the company,” she adds. Immediately, Bow brightens again and the pair chatter excitedly about what to make, grabbing the clone as they exit.

Adora shakes her head fondly at the pair of them before dropping into the pilot seat that Bow just abandoned. She can’t believe they’re finally heading home. She left Etheria with only one of her best friends (no offence to Entrapta but they were never that close) and now she was returning with three. Speaking of…

“Adora?”

She looks up and smiles as Catra approaches her seat, Melog curling around her legs.

“Hey, you,” she says, patting the armrest in invitation.

“Hey,” Catra perches on it gingerly. “I…um…can we talk?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

Catra glances towards the front of the bridge where Entrapta obliviously Huns as she tinkers with Darla.

“Um…can we go somewhere else?” She asks. Adora chuckles.

“Come on.” She grabs Catra’s wrist and leads her away from the bridge, into a corridor. “Okay, talk to me.”

Catra pulls her hand away and rubs her wrist.

“Adora, I-” she takes a deep breath. “I just want to say that I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Adora snorts then gasps, pointing an accusatory finger. “Did you eat the last of those buns Glimmer made? I hid that one, I was saving it for later!” 

“What? No, I didn’t- it’s not about that.” Catra shakes her head. “I’m sorry for…everything I did. With the Horde.”

“Catra, it’s okay, you already-”

“No, it’s not. Nothing I did was okay and I knew that but I still did it.” Catra turns away. “I was mad at you, and mad at Shadow Weaver, and mad at _myself_ and I took that out on _all of Etheria_ . Hordak was going to conquer the whole planet for Prime and I was helping him do it. I led so many attacks and I planned even more - so many people were hurt because of me and I…I did all that because I wanted to hurt _you_.”

“You…” Adora frowns. The memories of all the past battles begin to flood her mind. “Thaymor, Elberon, the Northern Reach, destroying the Whispering Woods, Bright Moon…all of that was because you…you wanted to hurt me?”

“Yes, and I know it’s bad-”

“Bad?” Adora laughs bitterly. “Bad doesn’t even begin to cover it. Do you know how many people died? Do you know how many lost their homes, everything they had? Do you even care?”

“I do, that’s what I’m trying to say!” Catra takes a step towards Adora, her eyes glistening. “You hurt _me_ when you left and I just-”

“I left to do what was right!” Adora yells. “I begged you to come with me! You refused, you _chose_ to stay, and then you turn around and try to get back at me for something that was _your fault!_ ”

“Adora, please…” a tear escapes down Catra’s cheek. “I know I did awful things, and I want to make it right, I’m sorry…” she reaches for her hand but Adora snatches it away.

“Sorry doesn’t fix anything. Sorry doesn’t bring back all the nights I couldn’t sleep because all I could see was the faces of the people I couldn’t save from you.” Adora turns away from her oldest friend. She makes to leave but stops, glaring coldly over her shoulder. “You wanted to hurt me? Well, you did it. You hurt me, and my friends, and hundreds of Etherians. Congratulations.” 

She walks away.

“Adora…” comes the quiet plea, but she doesn’t look back.

***

Adora storms the corridors of the ship, trying to clear her mind. Her thoughts are raging. It isn’t like she didn’t know that Catra had done all those things, but now it’s as though a dam has burst and a million emotions have rushed out. She barely pays attention to where she is, a red haze descending over her eyes.

“Adora?”

She growls and continues walking. She isn’t interested in whatever new excuse Catra has.

“Adora, wait!”

Someone grabs her by the wrist.

“I don’t want to talk to you!” Adora whirls around and yells, only to be greeted by the sight of pink hair.

“Glimmer?” She blinks and focuses on the wide purple eyes in front of her. “Glimmer I am so sorry, I didn’t know it was you, I thought-”

“That’s okay,” Glimmer says quickly, recovering from her temporary shock. “What’s wrong? You seem mad.”

“I’m not-” Adora tries. “It’s just- I- Catra…UGH!” 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Glimmer squeezes her hand. “Hey, Bow,” she calls back to the kitchen door, which Adora now realises she must have stormed past in her haze. “Why don’t you watch the food, I’ll handle this.”

“Are you sure?” Bow asks uncertainly. “Wrong Hordak can probably-”

“I’m sure,” Glimmer insists. And with that, she places a hand on Adora’s elbow and steers her slowly away.

“Where are we going?” Adora asks.

“Only my favourite place on this ship,” Glimmer beams. Adora sighs and resigns herself to being dragged along.

Finally, Glimmer stops in front of a door and pushes the access button. The door slides open and she steps in.

“Tada!” She giggles. Adora follows her in and looks around. The room is small and empty, save for a single bench in front of the window-

“Whoa,” Adora gasps. In front of the bench, a window stretches from floor to abnormally high ceiling, affording a crystal clear view of the stars beyond. She places her hand on the glass and it feels like the stars are just a grasp away. “It’s beautiful. How did you find this place?”

“Looking for ingredients.” Glimmer sits on the bench. “You guys really didn’t explore very much of this ship.”

“Well, we were a little preoccupied trying to find you, and then Catra…” just mentioning her name causes Adora’s anger to flare up again.

“Speaking of,” Glimmer mutters. “What happened? You guys seemed fine earlier.”

Adora sighs.

“She…wanted to talk to me. To apologise.”

Glimmer watches her, seemingly waiting for her to continue. When it becomes clear that she doesn’t plan to, Glimmer clears her throat.

“Okay, and…that…upset you?” She tries to understand.

“Yes? No!” Adora groans. “I mean, she did a lot of horrible things to a lot of people when she was with the Horde.”

“Well, yeah,” Glimmer agrees with a confused frown. “But we knew that. You even said it yourself when we decided to go save her.”

“I know,” Adora huffs. “But there was a lot of stuff!” She drops down heavily beside Glimmer on the bench. “I guess I’ve been so focused on defeating Horde Prime, and I was just so relieved that she’s okay, and with me, and everything felt like it was the way it was between us before everything got so…complicated. I really missed her, and I got so caught up in having her back that I didn’t really think about _why_ I had to miss her.” Adora’s face crumples. “She hurt a lot of people, Glimmer. She hurt _me_.”

“Oh, Adora.” Glimmer scoots closer and wraps her arms around Adora’s shoulders. “You’re always so busy saving everyone else that you don’t stop and think about yourself. It’s okay to be upset with her. You have every right to be.”

“But I don’t want to be! I don’t want to feel all weird and confused about her. I want to believe that she’s really changed and we can leave all the bad stuff behind.”

“I know,” Glimmer rubs Adora’s shoulder gently. “But it’s like with me and Bow - he was really hurt by everything I did and it took a while for him to feel okay with me again. Catra hurt you and you need to work through that. You guys didn’t become…what you were…in one day. So it’s not going to take one day to fix either. You’re going to have to build it back up, bit by bit, with Catra showing, everyday, that she means it. And even then, you don’t have to trust her - you’re allowed to feel however you feel.”

Adora sighs, taking in Glimmer’s words.

“How come _you_ trust her?” She asks.

“Well, she did save my life.”

“Yeah, but what about everything before that? What about everything with the Horde? What about-” Adora cuts herself off.

“My mom?” Glimmer finishes for her. She pulls her arms off Adora and her hands fall limply into her lap. Adora curses herself for not stopping quickly enough.

“Glimmer, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up, we don’t have to talk about that.”

“No, it’s okay,” Glimmer sighs. “I mean, it’s true, she _is_ the reason my mother is gone. I haven’t forgiven her for that - I don’t think I ever will, if I'm being honest.”

Adora nods in understanding. After a moment Glimmer chuckles softly.

“What?” Adora asks.

“You know I yelled at her about it?” She giggles. It sounds forced, but Adora doesn’t mention it. “On Prime’s ship.”

“Really? And what did she say?”

“She…apologised, actually.”

Adora raises a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Catra apologised when you were yelling at her?” She repeats in a flat tone.

“Well,” Glimmer amends. “Technically she ran away.” Adora snorts. That sounds a lot more like the Catra she grew up with. “And technically, when she came back, she didn’t really apologise _for_ my mom’s death, she apologised for not thinking about the consequences of her actions and that leading to my mom’s death.”

“That’s…” Adora considers this. “New for her, honestly. She was never very good at thinking stuff like that through.”

“She said she was so used to you cleaning up her messes in the Horde that she kinda figured you’d clean these up too.”

Adora tenses immediately.

“Oh, of course she’d blame it on me,” she growls. “Of course it’s _my_ fault-”

“What? No, Adora, calm down,” Glimmer rests a hand on Adora’s knee and squeezes gently. “I don’t think she was blaming you. I think she was genuinely just realising how much she depended on you, even when you weren’t around. And I think she’s really trying to be better about, y’know, taking responsibility.”

“Which…is why she came to apologise,” Adora reasons. Glimmer nods in agreement and Adora sighs and rests her head on her hands. “I just…I really wanna believe that she’s changed and let things go back to normal between us, but I can’t stop thinking about how all of this - her pretty much taking over the Horde - started just because she was mad at me. I mean, what if she gets mad at me again? I know she’s not gonna take over the Horde again, probably, but even before all that, before I joined the rebellion, sometimes she’d get mad because she thought I was gonna replace her with a new best friend and she’d just claw them. I don’t want people getting hurt because of me.”

“Adora,” Glimmer takes her by the wrists and gently pulls her hands away from her face. “I know it’s confusing, but you don’t have to figure it out right now. You can take as much time as you need - Catra will wait. And whatever you do decide, do it on your own terms.”

“Right, yeah.” Adora takes a deep, calming breath. Glimmer offers her a reassuring smile and she returns it with only a little extra effort. “Thanks, Glimmer.”

“What are best friends for?” Glimmer rests her head on Adora’s shoulder and Adora relaxes against her. “Adora?”

“Hm?”

I’m sorry.”

“What?” Adora frowns and glances down at Glimmer. “For what?”

“When Salineas-” Glimmer begins to explain, but Adora interrupts her.

“Glimmer, we don’t need to go back to that, you already apologised-”

“No, Adora, please just listen,” Glimmer pleads, purple eyes gazing intently at Adora. “I know I apologised for everything and i'm so, _so_ glad you forgave me. But even before the stuff with the heart, I said some really awful things. I blamed you for my mother’s death.”

Adora’s chest tightens at the memory, still fresh in her mind.

“I know you were going through a rough time, you were adjusting to not having your mom around, it’s fine,” she says, turning her face away.

“But it’s not, fine. Just because I was…adjusting…doesn’t mean it was okay to take it out on you.” Adora hears Glimmer sniffle quietly. “I know you tried to stop her, and I know that you did everything you could to save everyone. I’m so sorry, Adora. I don’t want you to think that deep down I actually blame you or anything because I promise you I don’t.”

Adora looks at her and searches her face. Her eyes are glistening and without a trace of dishonesty. Adora feels her own eyes begin to sting as well as a weight slips off her chest, one she hadn’t even realised she was carrying. Wordlessly, she pulls Glimmer into a hug, which the other girl immediately returns.

***

Adora knocks on the door.

“Go away,” comes the voice from inside. 

She takes a slow, deep breath and presses the access button. The door slides open.

Catra looks up from the bed and hisses angrily but her expression quickly changes to surprise when she realises who it is.

“Adora, what’re you doing here?” She asks.

“You wanted to talk, right? I’m here to talk.” Adora sits on the edge of the bed.

“Look, Adora, I-” Catra begins, but Adora interrupts her. 

“No, me first,” she looks Catra dead on and the brown-haired girl nods silently. “One half of me wants to forgive you and forget everything that happened. The other half wants to never speak to you again.” Adora sighs. “We’re making a compromise.”

“What kind of compromise?” Catra asks hesitantly.

“Look, Catra, I want you.” Catra’s eyebrows shoot up and her jaw drops a little. Adora’s eyes widen and her face flushes pink as she hastily tacks on, “to be a part of my life.”

“Adora, I-” Adora holds up a hand and Catra falls silent again.

“I want you to be a part of my life,” Adora repeats. “But things can’t be the way they were before. You hurt Etherians. You hurt my friends. You hurt me. And I haven’t forgiven you for it.”

“I know,” Catra interjects. “That’s what I was trying to tell you, I know I really messed up and I just want you to know that I’m gonna do everything I can to make up for it, even if it’s never enough.”

“I believe you,” Adora says, and is almost surprised to find that she really, truly, does. “But even still. Whatever version of us existed before, I don’t think we can fix it. But if you can promise me that you’ll stop doing things just to hurt me every time you get mad about something-”

“I promise,” Catra says quickly and Adora smiles. 

“If you can really promise that,” she continues, “then I think maybe we can start over. Better.”

She holds out her pinky finger. Catra watches it, looks up to see Adora’s wary smile, and looks down again. She hooks her own pinky around Adora’s.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Time for the rambling for those who care what I think for some reason :s
> 
> Yeah so this exists bc I love Adora a lot and I think she deserves more I'm sorry's bc a lot of people hurt the poor lass and she just takes it and internalises it. On a more Catra specific note though, I think the season could've done more to acknowledge that she knowingly did a lot of extremely messed up things while she was with the Horde. I know it's controversial to say, but she's kinda...a war criminal like Hordak. Obviously she wasn't doing it for nearly as long, but she was running the Horde while Hordak obsessed over the portal or missing Entrapta or developing his arm cannon or whatever else. She did commit war crimes e.g. attacking civilians and taking hostages and she did all that knowing they were bad and doing them anyway just to hurt Adora...I feel like Adora gets to be mad about that. I feel like that's something they needed to talk about. Yes, she's sorry but sorry doesn't erase all the pain Adora endured and I feel like we could've done with more focus on her side of this. 
> 
> Relationships can be very messy and sometimes unhealthy. And they can be improved, but if someone hurts you repeatedly, it's important to take a long, hard look at things. If they truly seem repentant and you want to give them another chance, you need to lay down some rules. This fic is about Adora doing that. She isn't forgiving Catra for her war crimes or even the more personal hurt, but she's willing to start afresh, outside of the toxic influence of the Fright Zone, with some ground rules.
> 
> I hope that came across clearly! Thanks again for reading :)


End file.
